saraahhhsays:

saraahhhsays:

since I put my confession video on private, here is a post. Get to know me a little more and understand.

It went from tears, to cuts, to scars, and repeat. Not much people know this about me. I hide my arms underneath my sweater and long sleeves. Not much know or understand what I have been through. I’m actually lucky to be alive. When I was about 3 years old, I was in the hospital for 6 months. My inner organs weren’t functioning right, and I was abnormal. I could have died, but thanks to god, I lived. About a year later, I was almost raped by my friends older brother. He touched me every where and wouldn’t let me go. Luckily my friend was there to stop him. When I was 5 I came to America, thinking life would be better. My mom secretly abused me, thinking it was discipline. My dad would just watch and wouldn’t say anything. This happened for years. Last year, I opened up to my mom about how her abuse needs to stop and then she stop. My freshmen year in high school, I was almost raped once again. The guy had his hands almost down my pants, but I ran away, to a place where there were people. 90% of the guys I have dated either cheated, lied, left me, or used me. I’ve never reached 1 month, because I end up finding out their lies and secrets. Most guys don’t stay faithful with me. All these things that have happened, led me to eating disorders, depression, insomnia, and suicide. I use to take medication to help me eat, sleep, and help my inner organs function right. I cry myself to sleep, and sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and cry. I get nightmares of rape, abuse, and people leaving me a lot. I cut myself and I’ve tried killing myself 6 times. As of now, I’m so sensitive, so emotional, so fragile. I let what people say get to me. When people put me down, I cry, I feel insecure, I feel like I’m not good enough for this world. I have trust issues, I push people away, and I break down everyday. I still cut as of now and I still cry myself to sleep. I’m thankful though, for everyone who has stuck around for me and helped me. I never said I hated my life, I just wish that it could be better And more painless. Not much people understand me, especially when it comes to my sensitivity. But I accept myself for the way I am, because its me. I’m truly an emotional wreck.

my gosh … never expected this to get so many notes… 

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